Saturday Night

by beneaththesurfaces

            Saturday night, and I have decided to turn over a new leaf. I have been writing on and off for the last two decades, true most of it nonsensical drivel.  I have the first 80 pages written of three separate novels.  I have bits and pieces that could easily be 20 short stories onto themselves.   But I have always had a disdain for anything less then a novel.           

            I can’t even explain why this is. I never understood the idea of a short story- it always seemed like an incomplete thought to me. Anytime I sat down and attempted to read a short story, when it ended I always wanted more.  I wanted the universes that I had been introduced to in 30 pages to be detailed further in an epic 1000 page novel.  Hell, I wanted it to not only be that but a series of novels.  I have an issue with enjoying something for what it is and just walking away to experience something new.

            This mindset has consumed my modus operandi as an aspiring author.   A decade ago, I wouldn’t have been happy with anything less then a 1200 page novel that “fully” explored the idea I wanted to pose.  Over the last five years, I had settled on a shorter 350 page novel, which would be the first part in a series of books which fully explored the idea in my head.  Over the last six months, I decided that I didn’t even care if the book was part of a bigger idea–  that I just needed to publish something.   But it was always a novel that was in my mind…  never anything less.

            In passing, about a month ago, my mother asked me why I never considered publishing a short story, just to get my feet wet and to get an audience exposed to my way of thinking.  I had many objections, built up over the years, as to why this made no sense to me.  I tired to express them to her, but I no longer believed my own arguments.   It was at that point that I realized that I had boxed myself in artistically. 

            To date, I have published ZERO. It’s frustrating, but I have finally realized that it is my own self constructed barriers that have inhibited my works, in whatever form, from exposure to the world.  I don’t claim they are “great works.”  But I have a feeling they are unique in their own way and should see the light of day.

            I had already settled a few years back on self publishing via  the available methods–   so now I am going to take and even greater leap for me, and publish the first work as a serialized series.   This is a compromise position where I put the project out there is compartmentalized quasi-short story form in length, but where the end product is a novel.   This gets me the exposure, and the feed back both positive and negative that arises from putting yourself out there, without expending all of my psychic energy on a larger work–  but instead take it bit by bit.

            And I am turning over the additional new leaf of journalizing my thoughts in this process in a blog form. I have always been somewhat phobic of commit words to a page–  and hitting submit for the world to see them.  Hopefully, utilizing a blog format, I can work my way through this issue… lol….

 

            As always, stay tuned.

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