Apologia ad me

by beneaththesurfaces

Longtime, no blog.

Tonight will be full of sheer random thoughts, as I haven’t had many organized ideas outside of just enjoying life for the last 5 or 6 months. Which brings us to my first topic, writing as an escape.


Ultimately, the one thing I discovered about myself is that I write only when I am deeply unhappy with life. For me, and probably quite a few people, writing is an escape from something. Artificial constructed realities. And fuck is it a lot of work. My last little bout of escape netted more shit in a compact amount of time than Steven King on a meth binge. Four solid months of “part time work” the first 80 to 100 pages of two separate novels, three partially finished small collections of short stories, the begins of quite a few thrusts… nothing finished.

Year end activities at work subsided, the weather improved, and suddenly I was far more interested in smelling the now blooming flowers, both metaphorically and in actuality, than escaping into some self created parallel reality. It has been difficult explaining this to other people and even rationalizing it internally. I’m not blocked; I’m just fucking enjoying this sunset.

So onto the next challenge… writing whilst content with life. The realist in me observes tat it will probably collapse into bleakness again with the change of weather and the impending year end 2014 at work. I’m just not so sure anymore that you wait for it to happen to you. There is something to be said about taking control of your own destiny; though it all seems so much more beautiful whilst in the middle of a barren landscape.


Anyone else get totally exhausted the first moment a political or religious debate transpires in your presence? That slow sinking feeling when you realize that no one will be happy regardless of the outcome?

Tonight I got totally engrossed in a debate about creationism versus evolution. At first, I got a high off of the ‘blood in the water.’ But this really isn’t a valid debate, no? The idea of a creator is not contrary and readily could be worked into the concept of evolution.   In so many of these sorts of discussions, politics, religion, whatnot, the two sides of a debate aren’t even discussing ideas that really are in conflict with the opposition.

…and don’t even get me started on politics in America.